I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
