they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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