This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
