His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry about my life...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
