Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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