Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
