I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
