I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
