Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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