Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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