My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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