i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
