the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
