Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
