Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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