PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
