Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
