I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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