Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
