dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize