Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
