One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
