My room smells like vodka and shame
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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