batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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