My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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