had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
