I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dignity is for republicans.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
