Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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