We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
