Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
