Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
