I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
