Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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