Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize