When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
