i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
