she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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