I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
false alarm, still single
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize