he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
