So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
