i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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