So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
