i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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