Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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