we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
