You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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