Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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