I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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