I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
