My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize