Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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