If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
