She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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