when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
