im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
