I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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