spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
