is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
