I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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