I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
