Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
