id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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