I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
