hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
