Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As shirtless as possible
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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