i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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