did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's paint friendship bongs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
