Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize